Mr. Mens Rights

Talking about a man's role in the world today.

Parental Alienation

		By Jeremy Eugene Reed in General Published: Saturday, 23 February 08 - 09:03 PM (GMT)

So today I want to talk about parental alienation.  Parental alienation is when one of the parents, either intentionally or unintentionally, turns a child against the other parent.  Since this is a men’s rights blog, I will focus on how this can be detrimental to a father’s relationship with his child(ren).

            Whether we like it or not, it is a reality of life that it is much more likely that the mother be made the primary residential parent than the father.  There are a number of reasons for this, some that make sense, some that don’t.  While there has historically been a bias towards mothers in custody issues, this has been reduced in recent years, although there may still be some residual bias.  In many cases, the mother was a stay at home mother, and is better situated to take care of the children full time.  It is a bit of a Catch-22 for fathers in this regard-you should work hard to provide for your family, but because you work a lot, you are deemed the parent less able to care for the children.  In this sense, gender roles play a major role in who raises the children after divorce.  The good news is that as two-earner households become more prevalent, this issue becomes less of a deciding factor, and levels the playing field for men somewhat. 

            So what happens when a mother who has been given primary custody (an outdated term, but one that we all understand), tries to turn the children against their father?  The reality is that either party can feel hurt after a divorce or split, and when a person feels wronged, it is human nature to try and harm the person you perceive as hurting you.  Sometimes, this will turn into a mother putting the wrong ideas into a childs head.

            You may have heard about the Bridget Marks case on Dr. Phil, or one of the other shows that she did.  This is the former Playboy model who accused her former boyfriend of molesting the children they had together in order to gain custody.  You can view a transcript of a very good interview about this case, conducted by Glenn Sacks, here.  In the case, the mother had coached the children to accuse the father of sexually inappropriate behavior.  A family court judge made the determination that the allegations were false, and awarded custody to the father.  On appeal, the court held that although the mother did coach the children to make false allegations against their father, she should still have custody.  In part, the judges felt that the father traveled too much (he had agreed to relocate from California to New York when he was awarded custody initially), and that the children had bonded with the mother, and that should not be disturbed (even though she was poisoning them against their father.)  This type of activity should be dealth with harshly.  I for one would support incarceration for some period for those women (or men) who are found to have tried to effectuate more “favorable” custody rulings by coaching their children.  (Making false reports is already a crime, as is perjury, but rarely are these types of cases prosecuted-it is very difficult to prove that someone had no belief in these types of claims, and the perpetrators will often be very sympathetic.)  In the meantime, I would caution anyone who is in litigation regarding the parental rights they have towards their children to document everything, especially if the split with your partner was especially contentious.  It is important to protect yourself from false allegations or your partner coloring your child’s perception of you.

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